Since buying the treadmill I've been quiet addicted to using it. I've worked out for the past 10 days in a row (minus Superbowl Sunday). I'm exhausted but loving this "runners high" I'm getting. Since training for the 1/2 marathon, I haven't been in the mood to just run for miles and miles on end, so these workouts have satisfied my desire to sweat like a pig, and incorporate other movements besides just running.
I don't share these to be like "hey! look what I did..." but more as a "hey, look what is possible at home without a gym and little equipment." I hope to inspire others that you don't need a ton of space or anything fancy to have 30-45 minutes to take care of yourself. I've found that if I take this time for myself, the rest of the day seems to fall into place and I'm in a way better mood.
Each workout was about 45 minutes long but rounds could be added or subtracted to make for longer or shorter workouts.
Saturday:
40 Minutes of:
1:15 sprint (8.0 speed)
:45 walk (4.0 speed)
**Modify by changing speed or length of workout.**
Sunday:
2 Rounds:
2 min run (7.0 speed)
25 burpees
2 min run
25 press with 24# body bar
2 min run
25 SDHP with bar
2 min run
25 #20 dumbbell swing
2 min run
25 russian twist with #20 dumbbell
2 min run
25 front rack lunges (each leg) with bar
**Modify by only doing 1 round.**
Monday:
3 Rounds:
800m Run (.5 miles)
50 pushups
50 situps
50 air squats
**Modify by doing 2 rounds OR 25 reps instead.**
Tuesday:
4 Rounds:
4 min Run (6.5 speed)
1 min 20# dumbbell swings
1 min hip dips
1 min SDHP with bar
1 min press with bar
1 min burpees
1 min REST
**Modify by only doing 2-3 rounds.**
Wednesday:
6 Rounds:
.25 run
15 OHS with bar
.25 run
15 thrusters with bar
**Modify by doing less rounds or air squats instead of with bar.**
Thursday:
1 mile Run
20 renegade row w/ #10 dumbbell, 2 lunges (each leg) holding dumbbells at shoulders, 5 burpees
18 row, 4 lunges each leg, 5 burpees
16, 6, 5
14, 8, 5
12, 10, 5
10, 12, 5
8, 14, 5
6, 16, 5
4, 18, 5
2, 20, 5
.5 mil Run
**Modify by removing the running at beginning and end OR removing burpees each set.**
Friday:
3 Rounds:
8 min Run (6.0-7.4 increasing .2 each minute)
30 press with bar
30 burpees
60 sumo air squats
**Modify by running for 5 minutes instead and doing 30 squats instead.**
Saturday:
4 Rounds:
1 min walk (4.0 speed)
1 min jog (7.0)
1 min sprint (8.5)
1 min jog (7.0)
1 min walk (4.0)
2 min jog (7.0)
1 min sprint (8.5)
2 min jog (7.0)
**Hardest workout so far.**
**Modify by doing 2-3 rounds and/or slowing down speed.**
Sunday:
REST
Monday:
10 min Run
15 Rounds:
5 burpees
10 press with bar
15 jumping squats
10 min Run
**Modify by doing 5-10 rounds instead OR removing the run at the end.**
Monday, February 6, 2017
Monday, January 30, 2017
2017 - Week 4
January 23.
SUPER cold and rainy day call for pjs ALLLLL day. We watched movies, did lots of crafts - Nora has been on a sea creatures kick and requested sharks, octopus and jellyfish crafts. I let her pick which ones she wanted to do from Pinterest. And nothing wraps up an afternoon like Elmo and doggie dress up (and scooter riding in the foyer hallway).
January 24.
Lunch date with our buddies Colin, Dennis, Andrew and Sydney. 4 mommas and 6 kiddos and NOT A SINGLE tear the entire lunch date! Lazy afternoon at home complete with play dough (of which Radford consumed 1/2 of it!), reading books in the tent while brother naps, and teaching Nora the art of Southern cooking using my grandmothers cast-iron skillet.. Crockpot pork tenderloin, greens and homemade cornbread were on the menu tonight.
January 25.
After church no one wanted to nap and it was 60 degrees outside so we spent 3 hours away from the house. We explored Patterson Park - running down hills and watching ducks, stopped for books at the library (which quickly ended once Radford tried coloring on the computer screen with crayons), and finished with an icecream treat before dinner.
January 26.
Nora: my little book worm - loves to pretend to read to mommy. She also loves watching You Tube Mother Goose songs and singing along. Such a type A, follow the rules, straight as an arrow sweet girl. Radford: colors on his face with bath crayons, falls when mommy isn't looking and is ALLLLL boy. He keeps mommy on her toes at all times. Mom's Night Out with with fabulous SIL, Hilaire at Mama's On a Half Shell. Too many glasses of wine, talking about life/motherhood/family/etc. and a few tears mixed in. An awesome evening where we actually got to sit at a bar and enjoy not having to take care of anyone else.
January 27.
Mother Goose story time at Port Discovery followed by exploring the Thomas the Train exhibit. Rad had so much fun that he passed out in the car on the way home. Sweet boy...it's been a long week. Sister requested another sea creature craft...so today was a Valentine's crab for daddy.
January 28.
Radford is happiest when he's holding or wearing something Mickey. He. Is. Obsessed. Nora...loves the camera and smiling/posing for mommy. Morning spent grocery shopping/meal planning before heading to a baby shower for sweet Jenny and Baby Barley. Excited to see her as a new momma in less than 2 months.
January 29.
Painting early in the morning is all fun and games until Nora decides to paint to her elbows with acrylic paint. Rad was just about as messy. After baths we put on our "new favorite dress" and did twirls in the mirror before headed to PetsMart where we thought we would be leaving with a pet fish...only to be completely satisfied with just looking at all the animals. Rad is a dog LOVER and was insistent on "petting" all the advertisements.
SUPER cold and rainy day call for pjs ALLLLL day. We watched movies, did lots of crafts - Nora has been on a sea creatures kick and requested sharks, octopus and jellyfish crafts. I let her pick which ones she wanted to do from Pinterest. And nothing wraps up an afternoon like Elmo and doggie dress up (and scooter riding in the foyer hallway).
January 24.
Lunch date with our buddies Colin, Dennis, Andrew and Sydney. 4 mommas and 6 kiddos and NOT A SINGLE tear the entire lunch date! Lazy afternoon at home complete with play dough (of which Radford consumed 1/2 of it!), reading books in the tent while brother naps, and teaching Nora the art of Southern cooking using my grandmothers cast-iron skillet.. Crockpot pork tenderloin, greens and homemade cornbread were on the menu tonight.
January 25.
After church no one wanted to nap and it was 60 degrees outside so we spent 3 hours away from the house. We explored Patterson Park - running down hills and watching ducks, stopped for books at the library (which quickly ended once Radford tried coloring on the computer screen with crayons), and finished with an icecream treat before dinner.
January 26.
Nora: my little book worm - loves to pretend to read to mommy. She also loves watching You Tube Mother Goose songs and singing along. Such a type A, follow the rules, straight as an arrow sweet girl. Radford: colors on his face with bath crayons, falls when mommy isn't looking and is ALLLLL boy. He keeps mommy on her toes at all times. Mom's Night Out with with fabulous SIL, Hilaire at Mama's On a Half Shell. Too many glasses of wine, talking about life/motherhood/family/etc. and a few tears mixed in. An awesome evening where we actually got to sit at a bar and enjoy not having to take care of anyone else.
January 27.
Mother Goose story time at Port Discovery followed by exploring the Thomas the Train exhibit. Rad had so much fun that he passed out in the car on the way home. Sweet boy...it's been a long week. Sister requested another sea creature craft...so today was a Valentine's crab for daddy.
January 28.
Radford is happiest when he's holding or wearing something Mickey. He. Is. Obsessed. Nora...loves the camera and smiling/posing for mommy. Morning spent grocery shopping/meal planning before heading to a baby shower for sweet Jenny and Baby Barley. Excited to see her as a new momma in less than 2 months.
January 29.
Painting early in the morning is all fun and games until Nora decides to paint to her elbows with acrylic paint. Rad was just about as messy. After baths we put on our "new favorite dress" and did twirls in the mirror before headed to PetsMart where we thought we would be leaving with a pet fish...only to be completely satisfied with just looking at all the animals. Rad is a dog LOVER and was insistent on "petting" all the advertisements.
Monday, January 23, 2017
2017 - Week 3
January 16.
We were supposed to have a play date with Kerry, Austin and Kyle but Kerry ended up taking Kyle to the doctor and Austin hung with us for the morning...the biker gang played with cars, ate snacks, dressed up and had a blast. Scooter rides with daddy are becoming a regular pre-dinner ritual the past few weeks.
January 17.
Morning visit to Storyville with Colin and Michaela. Playing in the kitchen, practicing our grilling skills, and building blocks. Afternoon in our pjs playing with playdough while brother naps. He chose tortillas and ranch for his post nap snack...this kid and his "dip dip". He gets it from daddy.
January 18.
The many faces of my kiddos. Ha! We had a CFA date after church this week...I had to win them over for a grocery run afterwards. Afternoon at home being silly, reading books and playing.
January 19.
Brother has started sleeping with a bed buddy - his elephant that Aunt Hilaire gave him the day he was born. Sweet boy. Toured Nora's potential pre-school for next fall (which we both loved!!) followed by a visit to a new place in town called Fort Fitness...we jumped on the moon bounce, put together puzzles, practiced out gymnastics skills, and ate tons of snacks because they were so worn out from playing.
January 20.
Morning visit to Port Discovery with Aunt Hil, AvaMae and Scar. We had a blast making bracelets, sliding, playing in the music room, climbing on everything and of course pausing for a pirates booty/applesauce snack break. Historic Day - Trump inauguration. Make America Great Again...Rad showing his support while we watched the days footage. Nora surprised us and knew EVERY SINGLE WORD to one of her books tonight...daddy snuck some footage of the event. #proudmomma
January 21.
Daddy was on call, so my crew and I took a trip to the mall. We rode the carousel, shopped, had a lunch date at Zoe's and played at the play area until they were sweaty and exhausted. Everyone thought skipping naps were cool...so we took selfies, read books and had everyone sleeping before 630pm.
January 22.
I love numbers in my workout, so when the treadmill hit this number, I knew it was time to stop. (1 min walk, 2 min jog, 1 min sprint..for 51 minutes will kick your rear!) I literally kicked myself during one of the sprints. Lazzzzzzy day at home...watching movies and football, laundry, bike rides, lots of cooking and enjoying each others company. Dinner was garlic green beans and mushrooms and paleo chicken picatta. YUM!!
We were supposed to have a play date with Kerry, Austin and Kyle but Kerry ended up taking Kyle to the doctor and Austin hung with us for the morning...the biker gang played with cars, ate snacks, dressed up and had a blast. Scooter rides with daddy are becoming a regular pre-dinner ritual the past few weeks.
January 17.
Morning visit to Storyville with Colin and Michaela. Playing in the kitchen, practicing our grilling skills, and building blocks. Afternoon in our pjs playing with playdough while brother naps. He chose tortillas and ranch for his post nap snack...this kid and his "dip dip". He gets it from daddy.
January 18.
The many faces of my kiddos. Ha! We had a CFA date after church this week...I had to win them over for a grocery run afterwards. Afternoon at home being silly, reading books and playing.
January 19.
Brother has started sleeping with a bed buddy - his elephant that Aunt Hilaire gave him the day he was born. Sweet boy. Toured Nora's potential pre-school for next fall (which we both loved!!) followed by a visit to a new place in town called Fort Fitness...we jumped on the moon bounce, put together puzzles, practiced out gymnastics skills, and ate tons of snacks because they were so worn out from playing.
January 20.
Morning visit to Port Discovery with Aunt Hil, AvaMae and Scar. We had a blast making bracelets, sliding, playing in the music room, climbing on everything and of course pausing for a pirates booty/applesauce snack break. Historic Day - Trump inauguration. Make America Great Again...Rad showing his support while we watched the days footage. Nora surprised us and knew EVERY SINGLE WORD to one of her books tonight...daddy snuck some footage of the event. #proudmomma
January 21.
Daddy was on call, so my crew and I took a trip to the mall. We rode the carousel, shopped, had a lunch date at Zoe's and played at the play area until they were sweaty and exhausted. Everyone thought skipping naps were cool...so we took selfies, read books and had everyone sleeping before 630pm.
January 22.
I love numbers in my workout, so when the treadmill hit this number, I knew it was time to stop. (1 min walk, 2 min jog, 1 min sprint..for 51 minutes will kick your rear!) I literally kicked myself during one of the sprints. Lazzzzzzy day at home...watching movies and football, laundry, bike rides, lots of cooking and enjoying each others company. Dinner was garlic green beans and mushrooms and paleo chicken picatta. YUM!!
Thursday, January 19, 2017
Tillman Home Gym Inspiration
So part of my New Years resolutions were to take my workouts more seriously. I was working out daily, but only for about 15-20ish minutes and wasn't busting my butt and sweating like I use to...nor mentally feeling satisfied like I use to. So I basically begged Chaz for a treadmill so I could get some cardio into my daily routine. What a game changer! (**We also have a 24# rubber body bar, and dumbbells: 5#, 8#, 10# and 20#.**) Chaz also joined a crossfit gym, so has been waking up at 4:30am to make the 5am class...since I wake up when his alarm goes off, I've started lacing up my shoes around 5am too. It's amazing what getting your sweat on and having completed a workout before 6am can do for your mood for the day! Especially with young kids who make it difficult sometimes to actually have "routine" in your day...it's nice to know I'm not trying to squeeze a workout in around them. I can spend my entire day focused on them, activities, meals, house stuff, etc.
So...for some inspiration, I thought I'd share my workouts from the past week. It IS possible to workout at home, sans $100+/month gym membership and keep yourself in shape. Each workout took about 35-45 minutes and I was POURING sweat after each one. Obviously each of these could be modified to be longer or shorter as needed. If you want any home workout suggestions, message me. I love (and MISS) helping people with their fitness.
Sunday:
400m Run (.25 on the treadmill...about 2 minutes)
15 power snatches (body bar)
400m Run
15 power snatches
400m Run
15 Overhead squats (OHS)
400m Run
15 OHS
400m Run
15 squat snatches
400m Run
15 squat snatches
Monday:
8 rounds:
6 Power snatches (body bar)
9 OHS
12 Overhead alternating lunges
15 Bent over rows
18 Mountain climbers
2:10 Run
Tuesday:
35 Minutes:
1 min walk (4.0)
1 min jog (6.0)
1 min sprint (8.0)
*At the 10, 20 and 30 min mark stop and do 30 burpees
Wednesday:
4 Rounds:
5 min Run
1 min sumo deadlift highpull (SDHP) with bodybar
1 min strict press
1 min back squats
1 min burpees
1 min REST
Thursday:
1 mile Run
20 dumbbells swings (20#), 2 squat clean thrusters, 5 burpees
18 dumbbells swings, 4 squat clean thrusters, 5 burpees
16, 6, 5
14, 8, 5
12, 10, 5
10, 12, 5
8, 14, 5
6, 16, 5
4, 18, 5
2, 20, 5
1 Mile Run
Friday: (what I have planned for tomorrow)
8 rounds:
1 min Run (6.5)
30 sec Sprint (8.5)
30 sec Walk (4.0)
25 Renegade Row (10# dumbbell)
25 Russian Twist
25 Jumping squats
This week I've been able to workout, put dishes away, shower, hair/dressed, my daily devotion (!!) and be ready for the day before my kids wake up. Obviously the goal is to continue this routine...thinking my REST days will typically be on Saturday so I can sleep in! YAY! Here's to my new routine.
So...for some inspiration, I thought I'd share my workouts from the past week. It IS possible to workout at home, sans $100+/month gym membership and keep yourself in shape. Each workout took about 35-45 minutes and I was POURING sweat after each one. Obviously each of these could be modified to be longer or shorter as needed. If you want any home workout suggestions, message me. I love (and MISS) helping people with their fitness.
Sunday:
400m Run (.25 on the treadmill...about 2 minutes)
15 power snatches (body bar)
400m Run
15 power snatches
400m Run
15 Overhead squats (OHS)
400m Run
15 OHS
400m Run
15 squat snatches
400m Run
15 squat snatches
Monday:
8 rounds:
6 Power snatches (body bar)
9 OHS
12 Overhead alternating lunges
15 Bent over rows
18 Mountain climbers
2:10 Run
Tuesday:
35 Minutes:
1 min walk (4.0)
1 min jog (6.0)
1 min sprint (8.0)
*At the 10, 20 and 30 min mark stop and do 30 burpees
Wednesday:
4 Rounds:
5 min Run
1 min sumo deadlift highpull (SDHP) with bodybar
1 min strict press
1 min back squats
1 min burpees
1 min REST
Thursday:
1 mile Run
20 dumbbells swings (20#), 2 squat clean thrusters, 5 burpees
18 dumbbells swings, 4 squat clean thrusters, 5 burpees
16, 6, 5
14, 8, 5
12, 10, 5
10, 12, 5
8, 14, 5
6, 16, 5
4, 18, 5
2, 20, 5
1 Mile Run
Friday: (what I have planned for tomorrow)
8 rounds:
1 min Run (6.5)
30 sec Sprint (8.5)
30 sec Walk (4.0)
25 Renegade Row (10# dumbbell)
25 Russian Twist
25 Jumping squats
This week I've been able to workout, put dishes away, shower, hair/dressed, my daily devotion (!!) and be ready for the day before my kids wake up. Obviously the goal is to continue this routine...thinking my REST days will typically be on Saturday so I can sleep in! YAY! Here's to my new routine.
Monday, January 16, 2017
2017 - Week 2
January 9.
Lazy Monday at home. Painting by 8am - brother is waaaaay messier with paint than sister is, but LOVES doing pictures. We did some rearranging of the kitchen after brother kept pushing over their play kitchen...Nora kept saying "what are you doing brother?!?!" A trip to Target for a booster seat - he's eating at the big table now and meal time is way more pleasant. BOTH kids napped for the first time (at the same time) in forever...we had a no pants nap. Ha.
January 10.
Sister wanted to be just like mommy and do her makeup for the day. Early morning visit to Storyville with my crew before music class. Playing in the fishing room, costumes, and construction. These kiddos LOVE to eat...and were so excited about portabella mushroom pizza night. Rad was a HUGE mess with this meal - straight to the bath...but he did receive a clean plate award.
January 11.
Lunch date with Sweden and Dawn after church today - sweet Sweden holding Rad's hand. It was 70 degrees outside...so we escaped for some swings and bike riding. It was a huge tease of spring...but totally worth skipping nap to enjoy the weather!!
January 12.
We walked the 2 miles to the Aquarium early this morning to meet Aunt Hilaire, G, and the cousins. The kiddos had a BLAST seeing the fish, sharks, giant turtle, dolphin show, jellyfish, and more. Lunch afterwards before walking all the way back. Brother opted for a stroller nap, so we stayed outside for another afternoon at the park - slides, swings, and digging for rocks. Beautiful, fun filled day!
January 13.
Helping Mandi out with her girls this morning while she recovers from pnuemonia. 4 kiddos under 3 for 2 hours was like WOAH crazy...but fun! We snacked, played dress-up, and made a huge mess of the playroom. Kicked off Friday Family movie night watching Monsters Inc and eating guacamole and chips for dinner. Ha!
January 14.
Fun filled Saturday with a girls day...Nora's first manicure with mommy at the nail salon. She was SOO giddy about getting it done. Followed by a birthday party for Kyra at My Gym. Nora was in heaven with the pall pit, trampoline, swings, and more. Brother had a guys day with Daddy, Pops, Uncle Pat and Michael getting his hair cut at the barber shop and going for a drink. Thanks to G and Pops chili and football that afternoon.
January 15.
Wrapping up the weekend with a huge project - organize the unfinished part of the basement to make room for mommy's new "home gym" complete with a treadmill purchase. You don't realize how much stuff you have until you have to reorganize all of it! We played in pjs a good portion of the day - making a mess of the kitchen and playroom. Got my first run in since my race in October...I'm gonna be hurting but do excited to get my early morning workouts back on the regular.
Lazy Monday at home. Painting by 8am - brother is waaaaay messier with paint than sister is, but LOVES doing pictures. We did some rearranging of the kitchen after brother kept pushing over their play kitchen...Nora kept saying "what are you doing brother?!?!" A trip to Target for a booster seat - he's eating at the big table now and meal time is way more pleasant. BOTH kids napped for the first time (at the same time) in forever...we had a no pants nap. Ha.
January 10.
Sister wanted to be just like mommy and do her makeup for the day. Early morning visit to Storyville with my crew before music class. Playing in the fishing room, costumes, and construction. These kiddos LOVE to eat...and were so excited about portabella mushroom pizza night. Rad was a HUGE mess with this meal - straight to the bath...but he did receive a clean plate award.
January 11.
Lunch date with Sweden and Dawn after church today - sweet Sweden holding Rad's hand. It was 70 degrees outside...so we escaped for some swings and bike riding. It was a huge tease of spring...but totally worth skipping nap to enjoy the weather!!
January 12.
We walked the 2 miles to the Aquarium early this morning to meet Aunt Hilaire, G, and the cousins. The kiddos had a BLAST seeing the fish, sharks, giant turtle, dolphin show, jellyfish, and more. Lunch afterwards before walking all the way back. Brother opted for a stroller nap, so we stayed outside for another afternoon at the park - slides, swings, and digging for rocks. Beautiful, fun filled day!
January 13.
Helping Mandi out with her girls this morning while she recovers from pnuemonia. 4 kiddos under 3 for 2 hours was like WOAH crazy...but fun! We snacked, played dress-up, and made a huge mess of the playroom. Kicked off Friday Family movie night watching Monsters Inc and eating guacamole and chips for dinner. Ha!
January 14.
Fun filled Saturday with a girls day...Nora's first manicure with mommy at the nail salon. She was SOO giddy about getting it done. Followed by a birthday party for Kyra at My Gym. Nora was in heaven with the pall pit, trampoline, swings, and more. Brother had a guys day with Daddy, Pops, Uncle Pat and Michael getting his hair cut at the barber shop and going for a drink. Thanks to G and Pops chili and football that afternoon.
January 15.
Wrapping up the weekend with a huge project - organize the unfinished part of the basement to make room for mommy's new "home gym" complete with a treadmill purchase. You don't realize how much stuff you have until you have to reorganize all of it! We played in pjs a good portion of the day - making a mess of the kitchen and playroom. Got my first run in since my race in October...I'm gonna be hurting but do excited to get my early morning workouts back on the regular.
Sunday, January 8, 2017
2017 - Week 1
January 1.
Kicked off the new year with our traditional meal: black-eyed peas (which only Radford really liked), kale greens and crock-pot shredded pork. We had a day filled with my huge "to do" list...putting away Christmas, writing thank you notes, organizing my kitchen cabinets, organizing all the kids art supplies, paying bills, cleaning out closets and creating Goodwill giveaways. These things are are waaaay harder to do when you have 2 kiddos wanting to mess things up as you go!
January 2.
Another lazy day for Team Tillman. Everyone still isn't quite right with their sicknesses...we watched 2 movies, played with stamps and other Christmas goodies, "helped" deep clean bathrooms, do a zillllllion loads of laundry, and enjoy having daddy home for one more day.
January 3.
Stamps are a daily occurrence around here these days. Rad loves them...and yogurt smoothies, obviously. Sister begged me to watch Mickey even though I told her we were on a "no tv" week - I needed a break after the holiday binge watching. Grand plans of running errands were halted because of TONS OF RAIN. Saw this post on IG and saved it - SAHM's dreams definitely test their faith in God and His plan for us. Jeremiah 29:11.
January 4.
"Look Mommy! We look like astronauts!!" Love how they "assist" in doing dishes. HA! We pushed nap time back after church to escape into the 50+ degree weather and pretend it was spring time. We splashed in puddles, did swings, blew kisses to dogs, chased squirrels, and watched the school kids have recess. Everyone was allllll smiles to have gotten outside for fresh air.
January 5.
BACK to the doctor with this crew. Brother woke up with a croup cough and was scaring mommy and daddy with his gasping breathing. All is fine, but they gave him a prescription for a steroid to help with the inflammation in his airway. Got them to check Nora - turns out she STILL has a double ear infection - back on medication. Killing time at Target waiting for meds is always entertaining. And brother cant go anywhere without a Mickey something. :)
January 6.
Slowly feeling better. Lots of snuggles, movie watching, making beanie baby trains, chocolate chip cookies with breakfast and book reading happened today. SOOOOO over everyone being sick and this weather.
January 7.
Morning snuggles with daddy during this snow day. We got about an inch or so outside...too cold to play and not enough to go to the park and sled...plus these runny noses and coughs are NOT JOKE. We opted for eating snow instead - each consuming about 3 bowls. A slow day at home meals momma has time to make a more intricate me - paleo chicken picatta. (See here for recipe: http://www.noshtastic.com/easy-chicken-piccata/) yummy. Even the kiddos approved.
Kicked off the new year with our traditional meal: black-eyed peas (which only Radford really liked), kale greens and crock-pot shredded pork. We had a day filled with my huge "to do" list...putting away Christmas, writing thank you notes, organizing my kitchen cabinets, organizing all the kids art supplies, paying bills, cleaning out closets and creating Goodwill giveaways. These things are are waaaay harder to do when you have 2 kiddos wanting to mess things up as you go!
January 2.
Another lazy day for Team Tillman. Everyone still isn't quite right with their sicknesses...we watched 2 movies, played with stamps and other Christmas goodies, "helped" deep clean bathrooms, do a zillllllion loads of laundry, and enjoy having daddy home for one more day.
January 3.
Stamps are a daily occurrence around here these days. Rad loves them...and yogurt smoothies, obviously. Sister begged me to watch Mickey even though I told her we were on a "no tv" week - I needed a break after the holiday binge watching. Grand plans of running errands were halted because of TONS OF RAIN. Saw this post on IG and saved it - SAHM's dreams definitely test their faith in God and His plan for us. Jeremiah 29:11.
January 4.
"Look Mommy! We look like astronauts!!" Love how they "assist" in doing dishes. HA! We pushed nap time back after church to escape into the 50+ degree weather and pretend it was spring time. We splashed in puddles, did swings, blew kisses to dogs, chased squirrels, and watched the school kids have recess. Everyone was allllll smiles to have gotten outside for fresh air.
January 5.
BACK to the doctor with this crew. Brother woke up with a croup cough and was scaring mommy and daddy with his gasping breathing. All is fine, but they gave him a prescription for a steroid to help with the inflammation in his airway. Got them to check Nora - turns out she STILL has a double ear infection - back on medication. Killing time at Target waiting for meds is always entertaining. And brother cant go anywhere without a Mickey something. :)
January 6.
Slowly feeling better. Lots of snuggles, movie watching, making beanie baby trains, chocolate chip cookies with breakfast and book reading happened today. SOOOOO over everyone being sick and this weather.
January 7.
Morning snuggles with daddy during this snow day. We got about an inch or so outside...too cold to play and not enough to go to the park and sled...plus these runny noses and coughs are NOT JOKE. We opted for eating snow instead - each consuming about 3 bowls. A slow day at home meals momma has time to make a more intricate me - paleo chicken picatta. (See here for recipe: http://www.noshtastic.com/easy-chicken-piccata/) yummy. Even the kiddos approved.
Friday, November 25, 2016
The story of "Blessing"
I had planned to start back blogging at the first of the year...but given life's circumstances, I figured now was a better time than ever to get some of my thoughts into writing.
It's been a while since I've written...my last post was right before Radford was born. And here we are...a year later. Ha! Between adjusting to our new house (and figuring out which projects we want to tackle first), Chaz working a crazy work schedule (averaging 15-25 overtime hours a week on top of his normal 40 hour week), life with two littles - one of whom only naps about every 10 days and the other one being a human koala to my hip 90% of the time, training for a 1/2 marathon and attempting to workout everyday (SANS gym), my daily photo collage project, weekly bible study, cooking 90% of our meals at home, and attempting to make sure we don't sit around and watch tv all day, it's been quite a wild ride. For those of you that DO follow my FB photo collage, thanks for enduring too many photos of my children.
2016 was coasting along with no major changes - no career changes, no moving, no babies. Until September. I found out I was pregnant with #3 on September 30th. I had taken a test the week before because I was supposed to start that day and it was negative. I waited a LONG week (knowing I was late) and took another test. WOAH! was my first reaction. Then it was "how am I going to do life with THREE?!?!" (This one and Radford would have been 19 1/2 months apart - exactly what Nora and Rad are!!) Then all the other things you could possibly imagine I thought about...carseat, sleeping arrangements, how to announce, boy or girl, how will this change our family dynamic, will baby be like Nora or Radford or both, etc etc etc. I walked around that day in a excited fog.
That night we surprised Chaz when he came home from work. We had a bag put together with a small pumpkin (because we were going to paint pumpkins as a family and I wanted to have a 5th one for our little blessing), some chocolate and the test. He was SOOOO surprised - as we weren't "trying" for a baby. We just assumed God wanted to give us the gift of another child and that was His timing.
I went for my 1st ultrasound a week and a half later...I was 6 weeks 5 days. They saw the sac, but couldn't find baby. The doctor kept asking me if I was sure of my dating. Yes...I keep up with these types of things. So, they retook my bloodwork to check my HCG levels and asked me to come back a week later for another ultrasound. The hope was that we were off in my dating and we just couldn't see baby yet. Bloodwork came back the next day and my HCG levels were rising...this is a good thing!
One long week later, I went back for another ultrasound and unfortunately she saw the same things again...a growing sac, but no baby. She asked me to do more bloodwork to test my HCG levels again and decided to send me to a radiologist for an official ultrasound. At that point, she briefly talked to me about miscarriage options, etc....which was all a blur because I was just convinced my dating was off, that I was way earlier than I thought and that baby was just growing slowly. I wasn't thinking there wasn't a baby. I FELT pregnant. I was gaining weight, my hormone levels were rising, I was craving weird things, etc.
I prayed and prayed and prayed more than I've ever prayed for anything that next 7 days. At this point I had told MAYBE 5 people I was pregnant...so I didnt really have a group of people I could talk to about what was going on...so The Lord and I had lots of one ended conversations. Whenever we prayed with Nora we prayed for "our little blessing" instead of "baby in mommy's belly" because we hadn't told her yet what was going on.
ANOTHER long week later I went to see the radiologist. She probed around for 20-30 minutes. I couldn't see the screen, but Chaz could. I was trying to read his facial expressions the entire time. His face was blank. At that point I just closed my eyes and talked to God. The ultrasound tech left the room and said she was going to call the doctor and have the doctor call into my room. A few minutes later I was picking up the phone and she was telling me I was experiencing what's called a "blighted ovum miscarriage". Basically the egg and sperm connected and started to grow, but early it never grew into an embryo that would have eventually been baby and was most likely reabsorbed by my body. BUT my body still produced a sac and all the pregnancy hormones. The sac was measuring 7 weeks 4 days but I was actually8 weeks 5 days. So the empty sac had finally stopped growing a week before that appointment. From all my research, a blighted ovum occurs when there is an abnormal chromosome makeup and the body detects defects in baby and aborts it before it can continue to grow. There is no known cause for a blighted ovum.
We both walked out of the radiologist office confused and quiet. I got in the car and completely lost any composure I had. I was hysterical. I had thought if I prayed enough, if I wanted a baby enough then this wouldn't be the end result. I was sitting there believing I was almost 9 weeks pregnant and my uterus was actually EMPTY. I'm not sure which is a worse loss (because I've never experienced the other) but seeing a heart beat, then it stopping, or going in expecting to see a baby and heart beat and realizing it wasn't actually there at all. It's a crazy weird experience and I'm still to this day having a hard time wrapping my brain around why God allowed this to happen to me. I believe in life at conception...SO, there WAS a baby at some point. Whether that baby lived one day or one hour or one week...it was ours and now it's in heaven.
The next step was to decide when/how I wanted to miscarry what was left of "our little blessing". Wait for my body to do it naturally, take medication to induce the miscarriage, or have a D&C. Surgery was not an option I felt comfortable with. We decided to wait a week and see how things went. Nothing happened that week. Anxious and tired of being pregnant but actually not being pregnant anymore, I called the doctor and had the prescription filled for the induction medication. I had planned to take it Friday morning but I just couldn't bring myself to do it...I literally walked past the bottle 37x that morning praying about what I should do. I knew there was no longer a baby in my belly, but I felt like I was ending it's life. What a mixture of emotions you can feel in the moment of taking that medication. Finally around 1pm I took the medication. I would have been 10 weeks the following day.
Let me just say...don't read anything on Google. You will freak yourself out. I had planned for the most horrific experience of my life - I had read about people passing out, blood transfusions because of losing so much blood, etc etc etc. Friday night and all day Saturday were pretty bad. I barely slept, bled a lot, and prayed. Ironically I never cried. I don't know if that was God's gift to that day...but I was calm about the ordeal, letting things happen as they were suppose to happen. Sunday I was SO sore and so exhausted. I felt as I had given birth, yet I had aching arms of no new baby to hold.
That is when I cried. I cried and cried and cried. I cried myself into Monday. Monday I knew I needed to get out of the house. I ran errand with the kids, took them to lunch and tried to smile. Tuesday the same - errands and lunch out of the house. While I was out, I was hit with a wave of contractions - 4 minutes apart for over 30 minutes. I got home and had round 2 of miscarriage. It literally was worse and more painful that Friday/Saturday had been. I freaked out, called the doctor and they put me on "bleeding watch". If it happened again I was to take myself to Labor and Delivery. Thankfully, the worst of it was finally over.
I never EVER wish this upon my worst enemy. Miscarriage is miserable. It will wreck you emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally. I feel broken. I feel weak. I feel tired. I feel angry. I feel sad. I feel defeated. Coupling this experience on a weekend where Chaz is on call and works 25 hours + daylight saving time change + Nora with a double ear infection + Rad with some unknown virus = my world feeling like its crumbling in on itself. I felt helpless. I felt alone. I just wanted to cry out to every single person I passed "Don't you know what's happening to me right now?!"
But you know what? GOD IS GOOD! And I'm so thankful for all of the Godly women in my life (that knew what was going on) who reached out to me, prayed for me, gave me quotes, let me cry and reminded me that God has a plan...even for "our little blessing". Psalm 139:16 says: "Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Another friend who had just experienced a miscarriage a few weeks prior sent me this that she had written one teary night: "Last night I thanked the Lord for making me your Mom. I realized God's special purpose for you was to have Jesus hold you first. I'll see you soon little one and until then I will forever love you." My sweet SIL, Hilaire, even gave me a devotion book titled "Grieving the Child I Never Knew". I've slowly been working my way through it and it's a beautiful reminder that I'm not alone in this journey.
I don't try to understand God's plan...I just trust that He's sending me in the right direction. Where He has me right now is where He wants me - as a momma to TWO beautiful children who I love more than life itself. In His timing, we will become parents again if He so desires. Until then, I will hold them even more tightly and pray I never take for granted how special they are and what a wonderful gift it is to be their mother. Now when I pray, I pray for "Blessing": my little baby in heaven who got to meet Jesus before meeting me.
And you know what else, the heavy heart wounds I'm feeling now will pass. I will slowly grieve less and less. But I will never forget. Never forget my child, never forget that my strength comes from The Lord and I can endure anything. I am strong. Our family is strong. And boy do I have a beautiful family. I'm so thankful for Chaz - he is my rock. This man saw more tears in a few weeks than he probably had seen in our entire relationship. He held me, prayed for me, expected nothing of me (our house was a wreck, laundry wasn't done, I'm not even sure what we ate for a week, I looked a hot mess from not putting myself together), but he loved me unconditionally. Just as Our Father loves us. What a wonderful picture of marriage being held together by your faith in the Lord and love for one another.
And you know what other blessing I received from this situation? Learning to let go. Let go of control of everything. This was one of the only times in my life that no matter what I did, the outcome was out of my hands. I am a control freak, a planner, OCD, type A, whatever you want to call it. But the past few weeks I have really been challenged to let go of my control of everything. The house has been messier than normal, I've cooked less, clean laundry has sat for weeks not being put away, I've worried less about scheduled nap times, I haven't stressed in general about life. This, I'm SURE, is a gift from The Lord. Chaz and I have had numerous conversations during our almost 5 years together about me learning to let things go, but it's not easy for me. Only when I've been stripped of my control by Him have I been able to surrender that control over other things in my life. It's freeing. Really freeing. I've gone to bed with dishes in the sink, toys everywhere, and pillows not perfectly in their place...and we have survived. I'm learning to focus more on the things that really, in the long run matter way more - quality time with my family.
When you see me out, it's ok to say something about what happened...talking about it seems to help with the healing process. Don't be surprised by the tears though. :)
Thank you in advance for all your love and support.
It's been a while since I've written...my last post was right before Radford was born. And here we are...a year later. Ha! Between adjusting to our new house (and figuring out which projects we want to tackle first), Chaz working a crazy work schedule (averaging 15-25 overtime hours a week on top of his normal 40 hour week), life with two littles - one of whom only naps about every 10 days and the other one being a human koala to my hip 90% of the time, training for a 1/2 marathon and attempting to workout everyday (SANS gym), my daily photo collage project, weekly bible study, cooking 90% of our meals at home, and attempting to make sure we don't sit around and watch tv all day, it's been quite a wild ride. For those of you that DO follow my FB photo collage, thanks for enduring too many photos of my children.
2016 was coasting along with no major changes - no career changes, no moving, no babies. Until September. I found out I was pregnant with #3 on September 30th. I had taken a test the week before because I was supposed to start that day and it was negative. I waited a LONG week (knowing I was late) and took another test. WOAH! was my first reaction. Then it was "how am I going to do life with THREE?!?!" (This one and Radford would have been 19 1/2 months apart - exactly what Nora and Rad are!!) Then all the other things you could possibly imagine I thought about...carseat, sleeping arrangements, how to announce, boy or girl, how will this change our family dynamic, will baby be like Nora or Radford or both, etc etc etc. I walked around that day in a excited fog.
That night we surprised Chaz when he came home from work. We had a bag put together with a small pumpkin (because we were going to paint pumpkins as a family and I wanted to have a 5th one for our little blessing), some chocolate and the test. He was SOOOO surprised - as we weren't "trying" for a baby. We just assumed God wanted to give us the gift of another child and that was His timing.
I went for my 1st ultrasound a week and a half later...I was 6 weeks 5 days. They saw the sac, but couldn't find baby. The doctor kept asking me if I was sure of my dating. Yes...I keep up with these types of things. So, they retook my bloodwork to check my HCG levels and asked me to come back a week later for another ultrasound. The hope was that we were off in my dating and we just couldn't see baby yet. Bloodwork came back the next day and my HCG levels were rising...this is a good thing!
One long week later, I went back for another ultrasound and unfortunately she saw the same things again...a growing sac, but no baby. She asked me to do more bloodwork to test my HCG levels again and decided to send me to a radiologist for an official ultrasound. At that point, she briefly talked to me about miscarriage options, etc....which was all a blur because I was just convinced my dating was off, that I was way earlier than I thought and that baby was just growing slowly. I wasn't thinking there wasn't a baby. I FELT pregnant. I was gaining weight, my hormone levels were rising, I was craving weird things, etc.
I prayed and prayed and prayed more than I've ever prayed for anything that next 7 days. At this point I had told MAYBE 5 people I was pregnant...so I didnt really have a group of people I could talk to about what was going on...so The Lord and I had lots of one ended conversations. Whenever we prayed with Nora we prayed for "our little blessing" instead of "baby in mommy's belly" because we hadn't told her yet what was going on.
ANOTHER long week later I went to see the radiologist. She probed around for 20-30 minutes. I couldn't see the screen, but Chaz could. I was trying to read his facial expressions the entire time. His face was blank. At that point I just closed my eyes and talked to God. The ultrasound tech left the room and said she was going to call the doctor and have the doctor call into my room. A few minutes later I was picking up the phone and she was telling me I was experiencing what's called a "blighted ovum miscarriage". Basically the egg and sperm connected and started to grow, but early it never grew into an embryo that would have eventually been baby and was most likely reabsorbed by my body. BUT my body still produced a sac and all the pregnancy hormones. The sac was measuring 7 weeks 4 days but I was actually8 weeks 5 days. So the empty sac had finally stopped growing a week before that appointment. From all my research, a blighted ovum occurs when there is an abnormal chromosome makeup and the body detects defects in baby and aborts it before it can continue to grow. There is no known cause for a blighted ovum.
We both walked out of the radiologist office confused and quiet. I got in the car and completely lost any composure I had. I was hysterical. I had thought if I prayed enough, if I wanted a baby enough then this wouldn't be the end result. I was sitting there believing I was almost 9 weeks pregnant and my uterus was actually EMPTY. I'm not sure which is a worse loss (because I've never experienced the other) but seeing a heart beat, then it stopping, or going in expecting to see a baby and heart beat and realizing it wasn't actually there at all. It's a crazy weird experience and I'm still to this day having a hard time wrapping my brain around why God allowed this to happen to me. I believe in life at conception...SO, there WAS a baby at some point. Whether that baby lived one day or one hour or one week...it was ours and now it's in heaven.
The next step was to decide when/how I wanted to miscarry what was left of "our little blessing". Wait for my body to do it naturally, take medication to induce the miscarriage, or have a D&C. Surgery was not an option I felt comfortable with. We decided to wait a week and see how things went. Nothing happened that week. Anxious and tired of being pregnant but actually not being pregnant anymore, I called the doctor and had the prescription filled for the induction medication. I had planned to take it Friday morning but I just couldn't bring myself to do it...I literally walked past the bottle 37x that morning praying about what I should do. I knew there was no longer a baby in my belly, but I felt like I was ending it's life. What a mixture of emotions you can feel in the moment of taking that medication. Finally around 1pm I took the medication. I would have been 10 weeks the following day.
Let me just say...don't read anything on Google. You will freak yourself out. I had planned for the most horrific experience of my life - I had read about people passing out, blood transfusions because of losing so much blood, etc etc etc. Friday night and all day Saturday were pretty bad. I barely slept, bled a lot, and prayed. Ironically I never cried. I don't know if that was God's gift to that day...but I was calm about the ordeal, letting things happen as they were suppose to happen. Sunday I was SO sore and so exhausted. I felt as I had given birth, yet I had aching arms of no new baby to hold.
That is when I cried. I cried and cried and cried. I cried myself into Monday. Monday I knew I needed to get out of the house. I ran errand with the kids, took them to lunch and tried to smile. Tuesday the same - errands and lunch out of the house. While I was out, I was hit with a wave of contractions - 4 minutes apart for over 30 minutes. I got home and had round 2 of miscarriage. It literally was worse and more painful that Friday/Saturday had been. I freaked out, called the doctor and they put me on "bleeding watch". If it happened again I was to take myself to Labor and Delivery. Thankfully, the worst of it was finally over.
I never EVER wish this upon my worst enemy. Miscarriage is miserable. It will wreck you emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally. I feel broken. I feel weak. I feel tired. I feel angry. I feel sad. I feel defeated. Coupling this experience on a weekend where Chaz is on call and works 25 hours + daylight saving time change + Nora with a double ear infection + Rad with some unknown virus = my world feeling like its crumbling in on itself. I felt helpless. I felt alone. I just wanted to cry out to every single person I passed "Don't you know what's happening to me right now?!"
But you know what? GOD IS GOOD! And I'm so thankful for all of the Godly women in my life (that knew what was going on) who reached out to me, prayed for me, gave me quotes, let me cry and reminded me that God has a plan...even for "our little blessing". Psalm 139:16 says: "Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Another friend who had just experienced a miscarriage a few weeks prior sent me this that she had written one teary night: "Last night I thanked the Lord for making me your Mom. I realized God's special purpose for you was to have Jesus hold you first. I'll see you soon little one and until then I will forever love you." My sweet SIL, Hilaire, even gave me a devotion book titled "Grieving the Child I Never Knew". I've slowly been working my way through it and it's a beautiful reminder that I'm not alone in this journey.
I don't try to understand God's plan...I just trust that He's sending me in the right direction. Where He has me right now is where He wants me - as a momma to TWO beautiful children who I love more than life itself. In His timing, we will become parents again if He so desires. Until then, I will hold them even more tightly and pray I never take for granted how special they are and what a wonderful gift it is to be their mother. Now when I pray, I pray for "Blessing": my little baby in heaven who got to meet Jesus before meeting me.
And you know what else, the heavy heart wounds I'm feeling now will pass. I will slowly grieve less and less. But I will never forget. Never forget my child, never forget that my strength comes from The Lord and I can endure anything. I am strong. Our family is strong. And boy do I have a beautiful family. I'm so thankful for Chaz - he is my rock. This man saw more tears in a few weeks than he probably had seen in our entire relationship. He held me, prayed for me, expected nothing of me (our house was a wreck, laundry wasn't done, I'm not even sure what we ate for a week, I looked a hot mess from not putting myself together), but he loved me unconditionally. Just as Our Father loves us. What a wonderful picture of marriage being held together by your faith in the Lord and love for one another.
And you know what other blessing I received from this situation? Learning to let go. Let go of control of everything. This was one of the only times in my life that no matter what I did, the outcome was out of my hands. I am a control freak, a planner, OCD, type A, whatever you want to call it. But the past few weeks I have really been challenged to let go of my control of everything. The house has been messier than normal, I've cooked less, clean laundry has sat for weeks not being put away, I've worried less about scheduled nap times, I haven't stressed in general about life. This, I'm SURE, is a gift from The Lord. Chaz and I have had numerous conversations during our almost 5 years together about me learning to let things go, but it's not easy for me. Only when I've been stripped of my control by Him have I been able to surrender that control over other things in my life. It's freeing. Really freeing. I've gone to bed with dishes in the sink, toys everywhere, and pillows not perfectly in their place...and we have survived. I'm learning to focus more on the things that really, in the long run matter way more - quality time with my family.
When you see me out, it's ok to say something about what happened...talking about it seems to help with the healing process. Don't be surprised by the tears though. :)
Thank you in advance for all your love and support.
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