The story of "Blessing"

I had planned to start back blogging at the first of the year...but given life's circumstances, I figured now was a better time than ever to get some of my thoughts into writing.

It's been a while since I've written...my last post was right before Radford was born. And here we are...a year later. Ha! Between adjusting to our new house (and figuring out which projects we want to tackle first), Chaz working a crazy work schedule (averaging 15-25 overtime hours a week on top of his normal 40 hour week), life with two littles - one of whom only naps about every 10 days and the other one being a human koala to my hip 90% of the time, training for a 1/2 marathon and attempting to workout everyday (SANS gym), my daily photo collage project, weekly bible study, cooking 90% of our meals at home, and attempting to make sure we don't sit around and watch tv all day, it's been quite a wild ride. For those of you that DO follow my FB photo collage, thanks for enduring too many photos of my children.

2016 was coasting along with no major changes - no career changes, no moving, no babies. Until September. I found out I was pregnant with #3 on September 30th. I had taken a test the week before because I was supposed to start that day and it was negative. I waited a LONG week (knowing I was late) and took another test. WOAH! was my first reaction. Then it was "how am I going to do life with THREE?!?!" (This one and Radford would have been 19 1/2 months apart - exactly what Nora and Rad are!!) Then all the other things you could possibly imagine I thought about...carseat, sleeping arrangements, how to announce, boy or girl, how will this change our family dynamic, will baby be like Nora or Radford or both, etc etc etc. I walked around that day in a excited fog.

That night we surprised Chaz when he came home from work. We had a bag put together with a small pumpkin (because we were going to paint pumpkins as a family and I wanted to have a 5th one for our little blessing), some chocolate and the test. He was SOOOO surprised - as we weren't "trying" for a baby. We just assumed God wanted to give us the gift of another child and that was His timing.

I went for my 1st ultrasound a week and a half later...I was 6 weeks 5 days. They saw the sac, but couldn't find baby. The doctor kept asking me if I was sure of my dating. Yes...I keep up with these types of things. So, they retook my bloodwork to check my HCG levels and asked me to come back a week later for another ultrasound. The hope was that we were off in my dating and we just couldn't see baby yet. Bloodwork came back the next day and my HCG levels were rising...this is a good thing!

One long week later, I went back for another ultrasound and unfortunately she saw the same things again...a growing sac, but no baby. She asked me to do more bloodwork to test my HCG levels again and decided to send me to a radiologist for an official ultrasound. At that point, she briefly talked to me about miscarriage options, etc....which was all a blur because I was just convinced my dating was off, that I was way earlier than I thought and that baby was just growing slowly. I wasn't thinking there wasn't a baby. I FELT pregnant. I was gaining weight, my hormone levels were rising, I was craving weird things, etc.

I prayed and prayed and prayed more than I've ever prayed for anything that next 7 days. At this point I had told MAYBE 5 people I was pregnant...so I didnt really have a group of people I could talk to about what was going on...so The Lord and I had lots of one ended conversations. Whenever we prayed with Nora we prayed for "our little blessing" instead of "baby in mommy's belly" because we hadn't told her yet what was going on.

ANOTHER long week later I went to see the radiologist. She probed around for 20-30 minutes. I couldn't see the screen, but Chaz could. I was trying to read his facial expressions the entire time. His face was blank. At that point I just closed my eyes and talked to God. The ultrasound tech left the room and said she was going to call the doctor and have the doctor call into my room. A few minutes later I was picking up the phone and she was telling me I was experiencing what's called a "blighted ovum miscarriage". Basically the egg and sperm connected and started to grow, but early it never grew into an embryo that would have eventually been baby and was most likely reabsorbed by my body. BUT my body still produced a sac and all the pregnancy hormones. The sac was measuring 7 weeks 4 days but I was actually8 weeks 5 days. So the empty sac had finally stopped growing a week before that appointment. From all my research, a blighted ovum occurs when there is an abnormal chromosome makeup and the body detects defects in baby and aborts it before it can continue to grow. There is no known cause for a blighted ovum.

We both walked out of the radiologist office confused and quiet. I got in the car and completely lost any composure I had. I was hysterical. I had thought if I prayed enough, if I wanted a baby enough then this wouldn't be the end result. I was sitting there believing I was almost 9 weeks pregnant and my uterus was actually EMPTY. I'm not sure which is a worse loss (because I've never experienced the other) but seeing a heart beat, then it stopping, or going in expecting to see a baby and heart beat and realizing it wasn't actually there at all. It's a crazy weird experience and I'm still to this day having a hard time wrapping my brain around why God allowed this to happen to me. I believe in life at conception...SO, there WAS a baby at some point. Whether that baby lived one day or one hour or one week...it was ours and now it's in heaven.

The next step was to decide when/how I wanted to miscarry what was left of "our little blessing". Wait for my body to do it naturally, take medication to induce the miscarriage, or have a D&C. Surgery was not an option I felt comfortable with. We decided to wait a week and see how things went. Nothing happened that week. Anxious and tired of being pregnant but actually not being pregnant anymore, I called the doctor and had the prescription filled for the induction medication. I had planned to take it Friday morning but I just couldn't bring myself to do it...I literally walked past the bottle 37x that morning praying about what I should do. I knew there was no longer a baby in my belly, but I felt like I was ending it's life. What a mixture of emotions you can feel in the moment of taking that medication. Finally around 1pm I took the medication. I would have been 10 weeks the following day.

Let me just say...don't read anything on Google. You will freak yourself out. I had planned for the most horrific experience of my life - I had read about people passing out, blood transfusions because of losing so much blood, etc etc etc. Friday night and all day Saturday were pretty bad. I barely slept, bled a lot, and prayed. Ironically I never cried. I don't know if that was God's gift to that day...but I was calm about the ordeal, letting things happen as they were suppose to happen. Sunday I was SO sore and so exhausted. I felt as I had given birth, yet I had aching arms of no new baby to hold.

That is when I cried. I cried and cried and cried. I cried myself into Monday. Monday I knew I needed to get out of the house. I ran errand with the kids, took them to lunch and tried to smile. Tuesday the same - errands and lunch out of the house. While I was out, I was hit with a wave of contractions - 4 minutes apart for over 30 minutes. I got home and had round 2 of miscarriage. It literally was worse and more painful that Friday/Saturday had been. I freaked out, called the doctor and they put me on "bleeding watch". If it happened again I was to take myself to Labor and Delivery. Thankfully, the worst of it was finally over.

I never EVER wish this upon my worst enemy. Miscarriage is miserable. It will wreck you emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally. I feel broken. I feel weak. I feel tired. I feel angry. I feel sad. I feel defeated. Coupling this experience on a weekend where Chaz is on call and works 25 hours + daylight saving time change + Nora with a double ear infection + Rad with some unknown virus = my world feeling like its crumbling in on itself. I felt helpless. I felt alone. I just wanted to cry out to every single person I passed "Don't you know what's happening to me right now?!"

But you know what? GOD IS GOOD! And I'm so thankful for all of the Godly women in my life (that knew what was going on) who reached out to me, prayed for me, gave me quotes, let me cry and reminded me that God has a plan...even for "our little blessing". Psalm 139:16 says: "Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Another friend who had just experienced a miscarriage a few weeks prior sent me this that she had written one teary night: "Last night I thanked the Lord for making me your Mom. I realized God's special purpose for you was to have Jesus hold you first. I'll see you soon little one and until then I will forever love you." My sweet SIL, Hilaire, even gave me a devotion book titled "Grieving the Child I Never Knew". I've slowly been working my way through it and it's a beautiful reminder that I'm not alone in this journey.

I don't try to understand God's plan...I just trust that He's sending me in the right direction. Where He has me right now is where He wants me - as a momma to TWO beautiful children who I love more than life itself. In His timing, we will become parents again if He so desires. Until then, I will hold them even more tightly and pray I never take for granted how special they are and what a wonderful gift it is to be their mother. Now when I pray, I pray for "Blessing": my little baby in heaven who got to meet Jesus before meeting me.

And you know what else, the heavy heart wounds I'm feeling now will pass. I will slowly grieve less and less. But I will never forget. Never forget my child, never forget that my strength comes from The Lord and I can endure anything. I am strong. Our family is strong. And boy do I have a beautiful family. I'm so thankful for Chaz - he is my rock. This man saw more tears in a few weeks than he probably had seen in our entire relationship. He held me, prayed for me, expected nothing of me (our house was a wreck, laundry wasn't done, I'm not even sure what we ate for a week, I looked a hot mess from not putting myself together), but he loved me unconditionally. Just as Our Father loves us. What a wonderful picture of marriage being held together by your faith in the Lord and love for one another.

And you know what other blessing I received from this situation? Learning to let go. Let go of control of everything. This was one of the only times in my life that no matter what I did, the outcome was out of my hands. I am a control freak, a planner, OCD, type A, whatever you want to call it. But the past few weeks I have really been challenged to let go of my control of everything. The house has been messier than normal, I've cooked less, clean laundry has sat for weeks not being put away, I've worried less about scheduled nap times, I haven't stressed in general about life. This, I'm SURE, is a gift from The Lord. Chaz and I have had numerous conversations during our almost 5 years together about me learning to let things go, but it's not easy for me. Only when I've been stripped of my control by Him have I been able to surrender that control over other things in my life. It's freeing. Really freeing. I've gone to bed with dishes in the sink, toys everywhere, and pillows not perfectly in their place...and we have survived. I'm learning to focus more on the things that really, in the long run matter way more - quality time with my family.

When you see me out, it's ok to say something about what happened...talking about it seems to help with the healing process. Don't be surprised by the tears though. :)

Thank you in advance for all your love and support.

39 Weeks...HOLY BELLY!

Week 39.

How far along? 39 Weeks. Officially in the ONE week countdown. AHHHH!!!!

Baby Size: 20ish inches and 7+ lbs...but when they measured my belly on Monday they said I would probably be delivering another small baby. I'm anxious to see how big/small he's going to be. 
Total weight gain/loss: 35 lbs.

Maternity clothes? Yup...and even those are starting to feel too snug. :( After unpacking this week, I'm getting SOOOO ready to wear all my "normal" clothes again. It's going to be like getting a whole new wardrobe!

Stretch marks? No, thankfully!

Sleep: Depends on the day. Last night I slept 8 hours straight - first time in weeks to do that. Most nights I wake up around 2/3am and go to the bathroom, or play on Facebook or get water. My sleep is very broken because it takes so much effort to roll over these days that I wake up. 

Best moment this week: Getting the playroom organized!!! Nora LOVES her space downstairs. She can run around with all her toys, make a huge mess, watch cartoons, color, throw balls against the old brick wall, and just be a kid. And mommy loves it because at the end of a long day, I don't have to clean up if I don't want to...I can just close the door and walk away. It's made nap time more productive for me too. Typically I'd clean up right after I put her down, but now I can leave it knowing we'd go back down there later. 

Worst moment this week: I had a scare on Wednesday where I thought Radford was ready to make his entrance a little early. I woke up Wednesday with bad belly cramps...which I chalked up to just being overly hungry. After bible study and a few errands, I could barely walk without being hunched over. I was nauseous, my stomach was cramping, and my lower back was killing me. I took a nap when Nora did and when I woke up, nothing was better. We stayed at home the rest of the day and after I finally got her to bed, it got worse. Cramps turned into contractions where my belly would get rock hard, I had painful pinching in my lower belly and no matter what position I laid or stood, my body was killing me. I took Tylenol around 7, then again at 11, then again around 3am. Finally after pacing my bedroom for almost an hour and practicing some slow yoga like breathing, my body relaxed and I was able to sleep. I was slightly freaking out because Chaz was out of town and I hadn't felt like this with Nora. I called the nurse and chatted with her. She reassured me each pregnancy is different and sometimes Braxton Hicks contractions can be almost like real ones. I'm guessing I just had a major episode of practice before the real deal in a few days. After a few freak out tears, I realized he's coming when he's coming...whether I'm ready or not! I know what to expect, but the idea of all the pain still scares me. 

Miss Anything?  A boxspring on my bed!!! :( Our new house has a really cool, 95 year old, triangle construction staircase and the boxspring to the master bed wouldn't fit up the stairs...so we've been sleeping on our mattress on the floor for the past 8 nights. We've ordered a split queen boxspring, but it won't arrive for another week. It's hard to get up practically off the floor every morning with this big ole belly!! 

Movement: ALL the time! Though, he recently dropped about an inch or so and the movement has slowed a little - that or because he's lower, it doesn't feel like he's kicking my in the ribs as much. LOTS more lower back pain now that he's sitting so low. 

Food cravings: Fruit - specifically grapes. Been eating bagels with cream cheese every morning and the past few days I've actually had cravings for coffee - which I haven't wanted this entire pregnancy. Maybe my body knows its going to need lots of it soon!? 

Anything making you queasy or sick: Still don't want to touch raw meat. 

Food aversions:  No, not really. Still no cravings for veggies like I normally would request. I'm ready to enjoy more greens in my diet once he's born. Thankfully because I can stomach smoothies, I'm getting spinach at least once a day.

Have you started to show yet: Yup...people stare. Especially when I'm in a store and I'm carrying Nora on my "shelf" of a belly and they are wondering why I don't just put her into the shopping cart. She's gonna have to learn REAL soon to ride like a big girl. And because my belly is so big and he's dropped, I feel like I officially have the pregnant lady waddle. 

Gender: BOY! And has a VERY blue room to prove it. Pics of his room once I get everything on the walls and organized a little better. 

Labor Signs: YES. Lots of cramping, lower back pain, random nausea, and braxton hicks. 

Belly Button in or out? WAY outtie. 

Wedding rings on or off? On...BUT I haven't taken them off in about 2 weeks because I cant...They aren't too tight to where they are cutting off my circulation, it would just be too much of a struggle, so I haven't tried. 

Mood? Depends on the day. BUT today I'm happy! I've covered the range from overwhelmed to excited to exhausted to nervous to anxious to fearful to giddiness. There are days where I let all that needs to get done - unpacking, organizing, putting rooms together, shopping for new things, washing clothes, cleaning, entertaining Nora, etc overwhelm me and I freak out. Then there are days like today where it's like - I showered, made balanced meals and played with toys all day and that's enough. :) 

Looking forward to: Seeing his little face for the first time!!! Been wondering if he's going to be blonde like Nora and I are. And for Nora to meet him and see a real live baby at the house all the time. She talks about "Raaa" or "Baby" a lot at home. 

37 week...Almost there!

Week 37.

How far along? 37 Weeks!! 

Baby Size: 19+ inches long, and weighs 6+ pounds...according to the internet. Though, Nora was only 5 lbs, 10 oz and 18.5"...so who knows how big/small this guy is gonna be. 
Total weight gain/loss: 30#...lost 2 lbs because Chaz was out of town all week and I didn't cook big meals...just kind of nibbled all day. 

Maternity clothes? SOOOO tired of maternity clothes. 

Stretch marks? Nope.

Sleep: I absolutely cannot fall asleep before 11/12 every night. Then I'm up by 6 with Nora...so I've been taking at least an hour nap when she naps every day. 

Best moment this week: Chaz was out of town for 4 nights and on night number 3...when I was getting really tired from doing bedtime routine alone after long days with her, I was laying Nora into the bed and she said: "Love you Mama" and gave me a giant hug. Melted my heart. 

Worst moment this week: I had a mommy meltdown about what all there is to do with packing/moving/prepping for baby. Nothing in particular...it just all snowballed and I freaked out. I was standing in the kitchen and just started balling. Chaz was like "What?!? What's wrong...?!?" I get overwhelmed with details and all the lists in my phone were intimidating me because I didn't know which item on the list to tackle first. 

Miss Anything?  Sleeping on my stomach. A really cold beer. 

Movement: ALL the time. 

Food cravings: Granola - made homemade chocolate chip pumpkin granola...amazing. 

Anything making you queasy or sick: No, but I have miserable heartburn still (coupled with crazy hot flashes) so I have to eat really small meals. 

Food aversions: Big pieces of meat, veggies, and coffee. All of them have grossed me out this week. 

Have you started to show yet: I'm TIRED of showing...ready to not have people stare at my belly and say "you're about to POP!"

Gender: BOY!

Labor Signs: A couple Braxton Hicks contractions, but way less than last week. 

Belly Button in or out?  Observe picture above...

Wedding rings on or off? On...but scary TIGHT and cannot get them off some days.

Mood? WAY better after my meltdown earlier in the week. Still feeling very anxious about the move on Wednesday. Just ready to be settled, not having to crawl over boxes, have all of Nora's toys OUT of the living room, take a hot bath in a clean tub, and rest. 

Looking forward to: MOVING DAY!!!! (Even though it will be a CRAZY long day, I'm so excited to say I own a home with Chaz and looking forward to the memories it will being with our soon to be family of 4.) 

34, 35, 36!

Week 34.

Week 35.

Week 36.

How far along? 36 weeks. ONE MONTH or less...Praise Jesus!

Baby Size: 18+ inches long, and weighs 6+ pounds (about the size of a romaine lettuce)...according to the internet. Though, Nora was only 5 lbs, 10 oz...so who knows how big/small this guy is gonna be. The doctors said they think he will be on the smaller side too. 
Total weight gain/loss: 32#

Maternity clothes? Yup. Thankful for my friend, Shannon, who just sent me a few things in the mail to borrow for the end...none of my maternity clothes are fitting anymore and it's silly to buy clothes that will last 4 weeks at most. I had a MAJOR meltdown about clothes about a week ago because NOTHING in my closet seems to fit. It's no fun having everything be too tight or too short. 

Stretch marks? None that I can see with the naked eye. 

Sleep: Miserable. I've been having horrible nightmares about Nora - stuff happening to her, losing her, people being mean to her...I wake up sweating and scared. Plus, I have to go to the bathroom every night around 430 - sometimes never going back to sleep. I'm walking around in a constant state of being tired. Preparing me for a newborn I suppose. 

Best moment this week: Nothing major...but we ordered new furniture. You know you're old when. Haha. We are moving our current livingroom furniture to the playroom when we move, so we ordered a new sofa and 2 chairs for our livingroom. I'm way excited to have a fresh room!! 

Worst moment this week: Going to Costco with a toddler that hasn't napped and refuses to sit in the shopping cart. She made me hold her or she was RUNNING through Costco. I had a cart that had a crooked wheel so it veered to one side. I was sweating when I left Costco. A week later...I'm at Babies R Us buying Radfords mattress and almost the same thing happened...she wouldn't sit in the cart. I was caring her while pushing a cart caring a mattress, 2 boxes of diapers and miscellaneious other things. I go to the check out counter, forgot my giftcards in the car and had to go out and get them then carry her back into the store to check out. I go to the car and was covered in sweat and just started crying. She looked at me like "What, mom?!?!"

Miss Anything? Sleep. Wine. Running. My wardrobe. The days when all Nora did was crawl and coo. Having energy to cook. NOT living in a sea of boxes. Clean floors. Napping - I've been trying to be as productive as possible with her nap times to get stuff for moving ready. 

Movement: OH YEAH! We have a soccer player on our hands. He is SO active and it's sometimes painful how hard he kicks me in the ribcage. He also digs his head into my pelvis - it's crippling if I'm out walking or doing something with Nora. 

Food cravings: Gummy anything! Vanilla soft serve yogurt. 

Anything making you queasy or sick: No...but I've been having BAD heartburn after almost everything single thing I eat. I've gone through about 1/2 bottle of Tums. 

Food aversions: Not really. Dont love touching raw chicken still. Yuck. 

Have you started to show yet: YES! Pretty much thats the only thing people talk to me about recently - is my belly and how I'm feeling and when I'm due. Feeling like I'm starting to waddle...so that adds to the interrogation from others. 

Gender: Little man Radford. Been even more excited recently about having a boy!!! 

Labor Signs: I've started having Braxton Hicks. I walked from our house to Safeway the other day - about a 15 minute walk, and I had 10-15 mini contractions during the walk. I was in a panic mode for a few minutes thinking my water was going to break, but then all was silent. I have them almost everyday now...usually in the middle of the day/early afternoon. They are sometimes crippling. 

Belly Button in or out? WAY outtie...even starting to smooth out into a nonexistent belly button now that my belly is SO large. 

Wedding rings on or off? On during the day, but at night I have to PULL my wedding ring off. I leave on my band just incase the next morning I cannot put the other one back on...I want to still be wearing something. 

Mood? Emotional. I haven't cried much during this pregnancy, but the past week has sent me into a tailspin. I've cried because Nora was crying. I've cried because nothing fits. I've cried because my ankle hurts. I've cried because I was tired. I've cried because Chaz didnt love a meal I made. I've cried at movies on tv. I've cried at the stress of packing. I've cried because I miss my mom. I've cried because Nora wouldn't nap. Pathetic.

Looking forward to: Being in our new house. We move on September 30th. The overwhelming feelings of packing/organizing a move when I'm 38 weeks pregnant keep me awake at night. I'm ready to just lay in bed and be pregnant at night. So, even though it's going to be crazy chaos once we get into the new house, I'll feel a little more settled and ready for his arrival. We've had to prepare for "What if he comes before move date" scenarios...I'm ready to have to NOT think about that anymore!!  

31, 32, 33!!

Week 31.

Week 32.

Week 33.

How far along? 33 weeks. Officially under 2 months left!! OMG!

Baby Size: 17 inches long, and weighs almost 4 pounds (about the size of a pineapple)...according to the internet. Though, Nora was only 5 lbs, 10 oz...so who knows how big/small this guy is gonna be. 
Total weight gain/loss: 28#. I have been sick for 5 days so I've lived on ginger ale, sprite, tea, soup and crackers. I've had no appetite at all...

Maternity clothes? Yup. My favorite thing to wear though, are my Costco pajama pants. :) And whenever we go out in public I have a major "fight" with my closet because I feel like I have NO regular "cute" clothes to wear besides cotton tshirts and workout pants. 

Stretch marks? Not really. I was obsessed with lotion when I was pregnant with Nora, but not this go around...I guess it didn't make that much of a difference last time. 

Sleep: I have a hard time going to sleep at night...I crave a snack around 1030. Then always wake up around 2/3 to go to the bathroom. I've been napping a lot recently...I put Nora down, do a few things around the house then sleep until she wakes me up. 

Best moment this week: I ordered a bunch of stuff off Amazon for Radford - towels, washcloths, blankets, sheets with a matching pillow, a sound machine, etc for his room. And I'm SO excited about moving so I can set his room up before he arrives! I also ordered a bunch of board books and puzzles for a basket I'm making Nora as a "big sister gift" for when he arrives. So I'm anxiously waiting for everything to arrive! Shopping online when you have become an insomniac is dangerous!! 

Worst moment this week: Last week Nora had a cold. She gave her cold to me, but it turned into a sinus infection coupled with a horrible cough. I started taking Tylenol head congestion but nothing stronger because of being pregnant, obviously. I gave my virus back to Nora and she was diagnosed with a double ear infection! (Second one in 6 weeks!) I took her to ChickFilA after leaving the doctor to get us milkshakes...because icecream makes everything better, right? I get home and I'm walking down the sidewalk to our house and she pukes her milkshake ALL over me, herself and her "bed buddies" that went to the doctor with us. 

Miss Anything?  Sleeping like a normal person - especially since I'm a stomach sleeper. Hugging people without having to stick my butt out so I don't bump them with the bump. Walking up stairs without getting completely winded (pathetic). A glass of wine after a long day. 

Movement: ALL the time. Nora as a "roller" and had slow and controlled movements in my belly. Radford is WILD and kicks/punches me all the time. He will stretch out and dig his head into my pelvis and his feet into my ribcage - sometimes it's literally crippling to where I have to stop what i'm doing and push him into a different position. 

Food cravings: Vanilla pudding is top of the list. Nothing really though, since I've been sick. Pizza is probably top of the list of things I'd like to eat at some point this weekend.

Anything making you queasy or sick: No, but I'm starting to have horrible heartburn all the time...and it's not in my chest, it's all the way up in my throat. Horrible. :(

Food aversions: Smoothies - I had WAY too many of them in the past few weeks that now the thought of one makes me want to puke. Also, I made shrimp tacos one night and the shrimp dripped into my fridge making the house smell like fish. I deep cleaned the fridge and threw the rest of the shrimp out, but I still feel the smell lingering. The idea of eating fish grosses me out!

Have you started to show yet: OH YEAH! And I feel like I've started the pregnant woman waddle. Certain things I wear make me look more large than others. 

Gender: Boy! Really enjoying looking at boy stuff on Pinterest, Etsy and when I'm out running errands. 

Labor Signs: No, but my sciatic nerve has been acting up and is a shooting pain in my butt - literally. It makes my lower back really tight and uncomfortable to sit for long periods of time. 
Belly Button in or out? Totally an outtie...which Nora is obsessed with touching. 
Wedding rings on or off? On. BUT...I take them off at night because my hands swell when I sleep. When I wake up to go to the bathroom, I try and drink an entire glass of water to help with the swelling. 
Mood? Pathetic. I'm a go-go-go person, so being sick and having a sick kiddo this week has really slowed me down. We barely did any activities outside of the house, I barely workout at all, I cooked one day and I napped every day. Just feeling lazy and boring. Ready to get back into the swing of things next week. Hoping to have one last push of energetic-nesting moments so I can pack and get us ready to move in 5 weeks!! 
Looking forward to: MOVING!! We close 17 days before my due date. Anxious to get somewhat settled before we head to the hospital...I hate living out of boxes, so I'm ready to be in the place that we will bring him home to. 

27, 28, 29, 30!

Week 27.

Week 28.

Week 29.

Week 30.

How far along? 30 weeks!!!! ONLY 10 more to go!

Baby Size: 15.7 inches long, and weighs almost 3 pounds (about the size of a large cabbage).
Total weight gain/loss: 26#. I lost a few lbs because it was so hot and I was running every day, but gained them back because all I want to eat are carbs. Go figure. 

Maternity clothes? Most of the time. I still have a few things (like this 30 week picture shirt) that fit over the belly because it was flowy when I wasn't pregnant. It's so hot here, though, that I feel like I rotate through about 7-8 shirts and that's about it. 

Stretch marks? Sadly, the ones I got with Nora are returning. They are in between my legs...which I guess don't really matter because no one can really see those. :)

Sleep: I wake up EVERY night around 12:30 or 1am to go to the bathroom. Sometimes I'm hungry and have a snack while watching HGTV - which I'm obsessed with right now.

Best moment this week: This wasn't really about me (or Radford) but we bought Nora a plastic kitchen for a "big girl" gift and she's OBSESSED with it!! She's learning how to pretend with eating/drinking and we are working on all the names of foods. She sees me cooking so much, that she's starting to mimic me in her kitchen - it's precious. 
Worst moment this week: I had a major hot flash during our home inspection on the new place and I felt like I was going to pass out. I had been at the pool earlier that day and I dont think I ate or drank enough. I didnt realize how famished I was until it was too late...I laid down on the sellers chair, chugged a bottle of water and inhaled 2 lara bars hoping the pain in my stomach would go away. It lasted about 5 hours that night. Chaz was out of town for work, so I bathed Nora and put her to bed then laid in fetal position in my bed all night. It was miserable. 
Miss Anything?  Being able to workout without feeling like I'm dying...it's WAY harder to incorporate fitness into this pregnancy. I seriously get out of breath walking up a flight of stairs or a hill in the park. 
Movement: ALL the time. Mostly when I'm hungry and around 930 at night he goes WILD.
Food cravings: Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, chicken salad (man, I wish we lived hear O'Carrs in Bham...I'd eat that every day!) and iced coffee from THB. And I'd really love a super cold beer after having all these HOT, long days recently. 

Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope. Yay!

Food aversions: Haven't been craving red meat like normal - a hamburger or steak doesn't tempt me at all. 

Have you started to show yet: MAJORLY! People I don't know if public like to talk to my about when I'm due, how am I feeling, what I'm having, how am I going to manage two so close together, am I counting down the weeks (yes!), etc. 

Gender: Little man Radford...attempting to teach Nora how to say "Rad"...right now it comes out at "Raaa". 

Labor Signs: No, but I have dull pains almost every day in my lower back and upper thighs that resemble period cramps. Doctor said to just monitor them, make sure they don't last more than 30 minutes, drink LOTS of water and rest when I can. 
Belly Button in or out? Totally an outtie. 
Wedding rings on or off? On. 
Mood? Depends on the day and time. Some days I have super mommy energy, some days I just want to stay in my pjs all day. Some days I'm laid back, some days I'm super uptight and have a mile long "to-do" list. I'm all over the map. I'm having a hard time just resting during Nora's nap time...I get overwhelmed thinking this is a time that I need to be doing something productive, then I'm exhausted...which is counterproductive.
Looking forward to: Going to Atlanta next weekend - seeing family and friends. Also...buying stuff for his nursery. We've decided to do a nautical theme...boats, crabs, whales - navy, white and red. I'm way excited!

And just because I talked about this in the last two posts...my ankle is still pretty miserable. I attempt to drink TONS of water, wear my compression socks whenever I'm not in public and elevate at night when watching tv. I'm still in a lot of pain, of course working out makes it worse, and when Nora accidentally steps on it while we are playing I'm scream bloody murder. I'm open to receiving any and all prayers for the pain to be reduced, if not completely go away the minute I deliver this little dude. Thanks in advance! 

Weeks 23-26!!

Week 23.

Week 24.

Week 25.

Week 26.

How far along? 26 weeks (Actually turned 26 weeks on July 10th)

Baby Size: 14" long and 1 2/3 lbs!! 

Total weight gain/loss: 26#. OMG....yes, that's a lb a week since the beginning. #depressed

Maternity clothes? Practically daily - unless I'm wearing workout clothes that stretch (but it's so hot that those aren't always comfortable) or a pre-pregnancy loose fitting dress. 

Stretch marks? Nope.

Sleep:  I'm exhausted during the day and have developed pregnancy insomnia. I literally stay away until midnight or later EVERY night. And Nora wakes between 5-6am everyday...so I live in a constant state of exhaustion. The doctor did tell me today that I can try taking a benedryl ever now and then to help me get some much needed sleep. Maybe this weekend!! 

Best moment this week: Nora has become a real parrot! Everything we say, she tries to say. I love hearing her tiny voice...most recently her favorite word: Bob Bob (sponge bob)! Every time she sees a tv she points at it and screams for Bob Bob then starts dancing. 
Worst moment this week: No particular moment stands out as bad for the week...my ankle is still really bad. I had an ultrasound on my left leg last week and I have a follow up appointment next week. I'm guessing I'll be fitted for a compressing sleeve (SEXY I know) sometime soon. The worst is when I've been sitting or laying for more than an hour and I stand too quickly - sends a shooting pain into my ankle. It's miserable. 
Miss Anything?  All of my clothes that use to fit. Wearing cute shoes - we took a couple mile walk this weekend and I wore some Target thong flats and by the end of the walk I wanted to die - my arches were killing me. I pretty much wear tennis shoes or these Sketcher athletic slip on shoes every single day. I need the support.
Movement: All the time!! He moves when I'm hungry. He moves right after I finish a workout. He moves when I'm laying in bed at night. He's sitting lower than Nora was, so I have a constant dull pressure on my right sciatic nerve making my butt/lower back always achy. 
Food cravings: Chocolate. Smoothies - make one every day: spinach, avocado, banana, peanut butter, ice and water. YUM! Cheese. And most recently Pizza. 

Anything making you queasy or sick: Not a huge fan of touching raw chicken anymore. 

Food aversions: Don't crave red meat like I do when I'm not pregnant. Maybe because I'm taking more vitamins now or maybe because I'm not lifting as much? 

Have you started to show yet: OMG yes...already starting to feel like I waddle. :(

Gender: BOY!!!!!!! We've decided on the name Radford Chaz Tillman. 

Labor Signs: Nope.
Belly Button in or out? Totally an outtie. 
Wedding rings on or off? On. 
Mood? Hormonal. We've started entertaining the idea of buying a house before he comes in 14 weeks - yes, I know we are crazy. So thinking about that process, added onto being constantly tired, and starting to feel HUGE (add in that I dont have a ton of clothing options which is stressful) is a nasty combination to make me cry at the drop of a pin.

Looking forward to: Planned a trip to Atlanta to visit family/friends one last time before he arrives in mid-August. Excited to see everyone because it will be the last traveling I do until after the new year.